


It wasn't meant to be.

by TooAceForThisShit



Series: It wasn't meant to be [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Oikawa Tooru, Depression, Fluffy, Growth, M/M, Mentions of Emotional Abuse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Trans Character, Trans FtM, Trans Iwaizumi Hajime, Trans Male Character, fluffy parts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-01-22 00:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12468932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooAceForThisShit/pseuds/TooAceForThisShit
Summary: A spin-off of one of my short stories with a  depressed Iwazumi.Name of the one-shot: Off Day.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is a spin-off a one-shot I wrote a few months ago... This is probably going to be a little slow starting so I can get my footing, and I have another fanfic on the go at the moment so updates could be a little few and far between, but I hope you understand! I also changed a few things from the one shot, but It shouldn't matter too much because it's in the same world as my first ever fanfiction. (called Almost Broken) Ages could've changed unintentionally, along with other things.

Oikawa

I’ve known Iwaizumi for as long as I can remember, I remember when I met him at the park as a young boy, hair long and still going by Hoshi, and wearing dresses that looked wrong on him. 

By the time he was five he took his father's razor to his hair giving himself a mullet look that his parents were forced to cut off. He wore the biggest smile the day he came to school with a buzzcut.

His father wasn’t pleased, to say the least. His mother didn’t mind she thought it was endearing. Laughing at her husband as he paid for the haircut. 

By the time we were seven his mother had fallen ill and died shortly after. 

That when things got harder, his father filled with grief sent him to live with his grandmother, leaving us only being able to see each other at school. 

School was the worst for him, being told to line up with girls, going to the female sex ed. He got in fights a lot either defending me or himself, getting sent to the principal. 

When we turned thirteen we found out what the word transgender meant, from a girl in our math class, her saying that she wanted to be a girl, and hating being with the boys because they always made fun of her for painting her nails, and other things. 

I didn’t think much of it. I knew I was a boy and I knew I liked girls and boys. 

Iwaizumi didn’t sleep much-looking things up finding books. 

He needed to know that just because he was born female that didn’t mean he was meant to be female. 

He came out the next year. His father didn’t like it, he yelled he broke things, and he sent Iwaizumi away again farther. Farther from me and his father. 

I came out the same day my parents knew already well, my mom did and she just hugged me telling she knew and loved me. 

My dad just gave her five dollars and continued watching the volleyball match on tv. 

I cried myself to sleep that night not because I didn’t think they wouldn’t love me anymore but because he was gone. I cried for him, knowing he wouldn’t for himself. 

He returned when he was sixteen, he had chosen another name by then I still called him the same thing, he said he didn’t mind as long as it was just me who called him that.

He still had to deal with his father that would yell if he didn’t wear dresses, his hair stayed the same mess of short hair it was. He’d flip his father off when his back turned. 

He stayed at my house most of the time, wearing my clothes, and shoes that looked too big on him. 

Even if he didn’t stay the night sometimes he’d come in through my window at two AM saying he’d seen my lights on, yelling at me to come lie with him. 

A lot of the times he came in through the window he wasn’t in a good headspace so I’d hold him, and pretend I didn’t see him cry. 

Now here we are, twenty-two, living with our two best friends that are too gay for each other. And dating for three years. 

Still playing volleyball. All of us working too much to only just barely live in our shitty apartment with two fridges, one blotted down in the bathroom. One in the kitchen. A pink sink in the kitchen that isn’t pink from Maki’s hair dye for once. A table with six legs, one in the middle of the table. 

It has many more problems new ones found daily, but we’re happy. 

For the most part. Anyway.


	2. Chapter Two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I've been busy. I wanted to post sooner but that didn't happen.

Iwaizumi 

It was another rainy day it seemed in November we only got rain, sometimes snow but that would quickly melt away. 

Our bed was warm, it was just after nine, nine thirty maybe? Oikawa had decided in the middle of the night that it would be a great idea to use me as a bed and is currently snoring right in my ear. 

I lie there, staring at the ceiling, I’ve tried pushing him off several times. 

We both work today, but the rain and the warmth from Oikawa makes me want to just close my eyes and wait for another day, a better day, where the sun is shining, and the warmth is overwhelming. 

Tooru whines and holds me closer somehow. 

“Tooru I need to get up,” I drag out of myself, poking him in the back. 

He makes a longer whinnying noise. “But you’re warm,” he mumbles into my neck.  
“But you’re killing me,” I poke his back harder. 

“Ugh,” He whines, rolling onto his back beside me. 

I take my first deep breath since I woke up. 

“What time are you off?” Tooru asks rubbing his eyes, voice still gruff from sleep. 

I stand up stretching and shrugging, “Five probably,” I grab my binder off the floor. 

“Ugh lucky, I’m off at two, I have to eat whatever Maki’s making which should be interesting and horrible.” 

“He probably won’t,” I mutter leaning down and kissing him lightly on the lips, he squishes my cheeks in turn. 

“Love you,” He mutters still holding onto my face, lips still slightly touching. 

“Love you too,” 

“Go shower, you smell” He states letting go of my faces and pushing me away with his foot to the stomach.  
I shake my head throwing a pillow at him, heading to the bathroom. 

I shower quickly, brushing my teeth. Putting on my binder and boxers I go back to the room, flipping off Hanamaki, when he whistles at me, I hear him groan in pain when Oikawa elbows him in the side. 

 

I finish getting dressed, toweling off my hair. I go to the kitchen where Hanamaki and Matsukawa are both on their phones, Hanamaki texting, Matsukawa looking half asleep, glasses slipping down his nose. 

I get a coffee mug from one of the broken cabinets, pouring coffee into the mug, and sitting down on one of the rickety chairs across from Hanamaki. 

Hanamaki looks up at me for a second, then back to his phone, “Oikawa’s actually going to work,” 

“I know, try not to kill him with your cooking,” 

He looks blankly at me then grins, “No promises.” 

I roll my eyes. 

I finish my coffee, putting it in the pink sink, “Bye, tell Oikawa the car keys are on our nightstand,” 

“You mean your box by your bed?” 

“Bye,” 

“Bye,” Hanamaki returns pushing up Matsukawa’s glasses. 

I pull my messenger bag over my shoulder putting my hood up before heading out into the gloomy weather. 

Another day, another Sunday of rain, another week at work. 

A year ago I starting working at a library not too far from the apartment leaving the car to anyone who needed it even though it’s mine. 

Oikawa works at a coffee shop thirty minutes away, and Hanamaki works at a tattoo parlor downtown. Matsukawa’s doesn’t have a job, he still lives with his mom but he’s over at our place more than he is at his mom’s apartment. 

The cars driving by are just as loud as normal but it sounds muffled to my ears, everything is on autopilot.  
Walking putting one foot in front of the other, working putting away books checking out books, walking home, eating dinner, laying in bed with Oikawa feeling warm and safe. 

He’s the highlight of everything. 

My family doesn’t talk to me anymore and when they do it’s just my dad reminding me that I’m still his daughter, or him saying it’s different this time and I’m coming to see you. But then cussing me out when he sees the way I look and the people I surround myself with. 

Sometimes I think about my mother though and the way she would react to me, and the way she’d put my father in his place. 

But she’s dead, along with my grandparents. 

He’s dead too but to me. 

I thought his words wouldn’t hurt me this time, that maybe this time it would be different, that he’d love me and embrace me like he used too. 

I get to work putting my things in the back room, keeping my sweater on I greet Jun at the front desk. 

Her warm and old, she’s like the grandmother I don’t remember. 

Always cracking dirty jokes and laughing too loudly for where she works. 

I get to work putting the books in their places still feeling slightly numb I try to work through it to not fall in another hole. After all the last break wasn’t that long ago. 

I start putting away science fiction, reading some of the backs of the books, seeing as it’s another slow day. There are a few people reading and studying in the back but it’s still unknowingly quiet. 

I take a deep breath, standing up straight and squaring my shoulders. Making sure my chest is flat. It is of course. 

I do this to remind myself I’m not as short as I think, even if I live with three giants, well one rental giant.

I’ll have to message Oikawa to pick me up after work on break, he won’t well shouldn’t worry it is down pouring. 

Not that is anything to worry about, not yet at least. Hopefully, it’ll stay that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this and let me know if you like it and want more of this! This is still new to me writing this. I'll get into the swing of it soon (Probably, Hopefully) 
> 
>  
> 
> Until next time-TooAceForThisShit


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry for the late updates, I knew it was going to be slow updating because I'm writing a few other things! That one should be finishing up soonish? though so I'll have more time to put into this.

Iwaizumi

I ended up walking home, everyone was already back, I could hear all of them talking loudly in the kitchen about some tv show, Hanamaki doing an impression of someone, followed by Oikawa’s fake laugh at the bad impression of whoever. 

I couldn’t tell if Matsukawa was here or not but he probably was, because when is he not? 

I wanted to sneak in so I could get changed out of my drenched clothes and join them without making a big deal about why I’m soaked from head to toe, and why I didn’t call them to get picked up. 

That doesn’t work though because as I’m walking through the living room Oikawa walks out of the kitchen. I see the smile on his face slowly disappear. 

He looks me up and down frowning. “Iwa-chan why are you all wet?” 

“Because it’s raining?” the longer we talk the bigger the puddle I’m making. 

I brush past him into our bedroom, I hear him close our door behind us. 

“Why didn’t you call me?” He asks quietly. 

I don’t answer removing my shirt and throwing it in the laundry basket and grabbing a sweater from the closet. 

“I forgot,” I reply simply. 

“There’s more to it than that,” He states, like the all-knowing God he is. 

“There really isn’t, I just forgot to message you when I was on break,” I said a little too harshly. 

“Go have a bath, I’ll warm up your food,” Tooru says putting his hand on the door. 

“I’ll be right out,” 

He looks over his shoulder at me, it says everything he didn’t say. 

He nods leaving the room, I get changed into sweatpants laying my binder on the dresser. I stare at it a moment, thinking about how one day I won’t have to look at it anymore, let alone wear it again. 

I catch myself in the mirror above the dresser, I drag my eyes down to look at my chest, I sigh, running my hands through my hair, I look myself in the eyes in the mirror. 

The bags are getting worse. 

I shiver, and get into our bed, not bothering to go and eat, I’m not hungry anyway. 

I pull the covers up over my head, getting as small as possible. 

Closing my eyes, I’m okay. 

I’m okay. 

Things will be okay. 

Everything is fine. 

I hear the door creak open, I squeeze my knees tighter to my chest, hoping they’ll leave.   
The door creaks closed again, I breathe out a sigh of relief. It’s short-lived when the bed dips next to me. 

“Make some room,” Hanamaki states. 

I roll onto my back, I feel him lie down next to me. My left side warmer. 

“Oikawa sent me to get you to eat, but I’m tired,” 

I nod, head still under the covers. 

“Don’t take all the blankets,” he says pulling on them. 

I let them go, he brings them up over his head so I’m staring right into his eyes. 

“Sup,” He says with a grin.

“Nothing,” 

“Sure, sure, and my hairs blue.” 

I roll my eyes. 

“It’s really nothing--” I start--  
“It’s not nothing if I’m cuddling with my best friend when my boyfriend's in the next room,” 

 

“I didn’t ask you to come in here--” He puts his finger to my lips. 

“Shuussh,” He said closing his eyes, I push his hand away from my mouth. 

It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep, I don’t, I lie there, not really thinking about anything, only how it seems that I’m falling again, I will do anything to fight it, ignore it, not let it get to me. 

I check the time at 1 AM I get out of bed, taking a smaller blanket and wrapping it around my shoulders. 

I open the door quietly, it still creaks, I wince when it does looking back at Maki to make sure he’s still asleep. 

The tv is still on Oikawa sitting on the couch, his head snaps towards me when he hears the door. 

He doesn’t get up, he looks at me though and smiles softly. 

“Are you hungry?” He asks, voice soft. 

I shrug, sitting down next to him. Leaning on him a bit, he puts his arm around me. 

“Did you fall asleep?”

“No, Maki did,” 

He snorts. “He’s useless.” 

I hide my face in his neck, he kisses my forehead. 

“I’m gonna be fine,” 

“Not if you get sick, because you didn’t have a bath, you’re freezing by the way---”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this even good? I think it's okay, but I didn't want Iwaizumi's depression just to be based off of being trans because it shouldn't be.  
> Anywhooo, comments, and kudos are very much loved. 
> 
>  
> 
> Until next time-TooAceForThisShit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter.

Oikawa. 

I could tell things were starting to go downhill from the way Iwaizumi was acting. 

At this point, I knew how it started, and I have stopped it from ending less than a handful of times. 

It started with him doing stupid and selfless things, like, not texting when it was downpouring to be picked up. Or not telling anyone when he’s sick. 

It hurts to see the ones you love do this to themselves that’s for sure. 

And knowing you can’t do anything to make them see how I and everyone see's them. 

Right now we’re at phase two, that is when he starts having trouble getting out of bed and talking. 

Most people wouldn’t notice but it’s all I notice. I want to take him into my arms and never let him go. 

And pretend that everything is going to be okay, and I’ll always be here.

 

\-------  
I’m sitting on our bed late at night, Iwaizumi’s laying beside staring at the ceiling. Well, I pretend to read, but I’m actually watching his every move. 

Every deep breath, every curve in his lip, every furrow of his brow. 

He hadn’t caught me staring too lost in thought. I sigh loudly putting the book down on our box next to the bed. 

Iwaizumi’s looking up at me, I smirk. He rolls his eyes before I lay on top of him making him grunt. 

He glares at me. 

“Iwa-chan!~”I sing-song. 

He continues to glare at me instead of saying anything. 

“Are you sick?” I ask. 

He looks at me raising an eyebrow, “Not that I know of,” 

“Are you sure?” I ask, dragging out the words. 

“Yes, Trashykawa,” He grumbles hitting me lightly on the head. 

“Rude,” I say rubbing my head. 

“I’m going to sleep.” He states. 

I roll off of him onto my back pouting, watching him roll over turning off the lights. 

The room now drowns in darkness.   
Iwaizumi stays with his back to me, I sigh, moving closer to him, and putting my arms around his waist. 

“What are you doing?” He mutters. 

“Loving you,” I reply simply, holding him tighter to my chest. 

He puts his arm on mine holding the hand around him. 

“You know I love you right?” I say quietly into his neck. 

“Yes,” He says softly, “Love you too,”

\------------  
In the morning I awake in our bed alone, the spot where he was cold, I roll my eyes heading into the living room once I found a sweater. 

Leaving our room door opening, I walk towards the couch, seeing Iwaizumi sleeping on there. 

I sigh, rubbing my eyes. 

I leave the living room to the kitchen to start up coffee even though nobody will be up for a while. 

Once it’s done brewing, I take it back into the living room sitting on one of the love seats. 

I glare at Iwaizumi willing him to wake up when I notice he’s shivering. “Useless men,” I grumble under my breath, getting up and walking to the linen closet. 

I grab one of the warmer blankets we own, cover him up. He snuggles into it pulling it over his head, in his sleep. 

I smile softly, kissing his cheek that I can still see.   
I retreat to my seat, taking a sip of my coffee and turning on the tv, turning it down almost all the way and putting on the subtitles. 

It’s and before I hear the sounds of a grumbling Iwaizumi waking up. I look out of the corner of my eye, away from the reruns on Disney channel. 

He sits up with the blanket over half his head rubbing his eyes, his eyes lock on mine when he opens them. “What,” He mutters, his voice sleepy sounding. 

“Why are you out here?” I ask eyes returning to the tv. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Is the only reply. 

I hum to that. 

I shouldn’t be upset that he didn’t wake me. 

I shouldn’t. 

“Come here,” He mumbles. 

I look over at him, his eyes are still half closed, his hair more wild than normal.   
I don’t move for a second, getting up and taking my place beside him. I put my arm around him leaning back until my back is pressed against the armrest and he’s laying on me. 

I run my hand through his hair he’s having trouble keeping his eyes open. I run my hand down his back, making him close his eyes all the way. 

Am I doing the wrong thing? Listening to him, instead of taking him to see someone that could actually help him? 

I can’t disappear from his life, that’s was never even a thought, leaving him. 

\-----------

In the next few days, I see everything decrease even more so than before, I’ve tried talking to him but every time I bring it up he changes the subject or outright ignores it. 

On a lighter note, I think he is getting sick. Hopefully, it’s just that. He always gets weird when he gets sick. Or I’m just delusional.   
Is it so bad to deny the truth? 

\------------- 

When things start to pick up again at work, I’m home less. I don’t see Iwaizumi much only at night and for a short minute. He’s either studying or sleeping. 

More studying, I can tell by now that he’s trying to hide that he’s sick, but I’m waiting until he comes to me. 

And most days he’s not even there when I wake up either sleeping on the couch or already left for classes, or working. 

I know, I should say something, I know I shouldn’t be waiting, I know he’s going to crash, and I’ll crash right with him. 

Because in the end, I will be the one of just stood by not being able to bring myself to interfere. It’s stupid really. 

Really stupid. 

I love him too much. 

\------

When I come home one night, later. Tired from classes working. And the weather. 

Snow doesn’t like me, and I don’t like them either. 

I walk into the apartment kicking off my muddy and snowy shoes. 

“I’m home!” I yell into the cold living room, throwing my bag on the couch and going to the kitchen, turning on all the lights along the way. 

I blow on my hands trying to warm them up, I turn on the coffee making for it to start warming up the old coffee in the pot. It’s gonna be bad but tonight’s going to be a long night of studying. 

I rub my arms, as I get a mug. I pour it right into the cup, bringing it up to my face a taking a deep breath in. 

And that’s when I hear a loud crash from our room, making me drop my mug. It crashes, spilling coffee all down my front. 

I stand there, as the coffee spreads. Before I can even process what I’m doing, I run to our room. I almost trip on a shirt getting to the door. 

I push open the door, making hit the wall. I find Iwaizumi past out on the floor next to our bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you like it from Oikawa's point of few! 
> 
>  
> 
> Until Next Time-TooAceForThisShit.


	5. I trust you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm mega depressed, and can't write or read it seems but I hope y'all enjoy this. <3

After everything that went down around the holidays I thought things would get better. 

I was wrong if anything being sick made things get worse. I didn’t like the feeling of being babied. 

I wanted it all to stop. I didn’t care that I had fainted. 

I didn’t want to be Oikawa’s burden, he said it was no problem, even if when I woke him up coughing I could see the bags under his eyes. 

I felt the need to yell. 

It took me longer to get over the cold and fever, almost three weeks. 

Now it is late January, the only thing I could focus on was uni. I knew Oikawa was still worried, I could tell in the way his eyes followed me uneasily. 

I tried to brush it off. 

______

It was evening, I was working late. The library quiet and calm as normal but more so for the hour. 

Only a few college and university students litter about in the far back. 

I’m currently staring blankly at my homework waiting for it to finish itself. 

I jump when I hear someone dropping a book on the desk. I look up locking eyes with Oikawa. 

“Jesus,” 

“No sorry,” 

I roll my eyes, “What are you doing here?” I ask looking back at my homework, I close the book giving him my full attention. 

“Because I wanted to see my boyfriend~”He coos, batting his eyes at me.

“Try again.”

“Ok, fine,” He says standing up straight. “I came to get this book,” He said waving a book about space around. “But I thought why not also pick you up,” 

I nod, glancing at my watch, “I’m not off---”

“Seven, I know.”

I look up at him raising an eyebrow.

“Just thought I’d say hi now so you wouldn’t leave without me,”

“You can read in the lunchroom if you want,”I tell him shifting my eyes back to the monitor, still on a book I had to look up for someone. 

“Nah, I’m just gonna be over there,” He said pointing to a table that’s unoccupied and close to the front desk.

“Alright?” I finish it comes out more of a question. He kisses my cheek, leaving me sitting there confused. 

I try to go back to work, but my eyes keep wandering back to him. I feel his eyes on me every once in a while. 

When the clock turns to seven, Jun comes in to take over wearing one of her cat sweaters with a leather jacket. 

She smiles at me when she heads to the back. 

I follow after her once I’m down checking in some books. 

“What’s up sweety?” She asks, throwing her coat at a hook, and sighing loudly when it falls to the ground. 

I pick it up for her putting it on the hook properly. 

She pats my head,”What would I be without you?”   
“A lady with a lot of coats,” 

“It’s not my fault my knees and hips don’t work anymore!” She gasps, swotting my shoulder lightly. 

“Anywho, how’s my favourite boy?” She asks, kicking off her boots and putting on her slippers. 

I shrug,”I’m alright,” 

“Good, good, saw your boyfriend is here, glad to know you have a drive the weather's shit, almost slipped on my way here.” 

“Maybe you should finally get a car,” 

“Nah, the motorbike is fine, gonna use it till it dies or I do,” She states. 

She’s had the motorbike since I first met her, when I asked her about it she said her first girlfriend gave it to her in the 60s. 

She said “gave very lightly” I didn’t press. 

I hug her goodbye grabbing my coat and meeting Oikawa at the desk. He takes my hand leading me out the back of the library to the car. 

He leads me to the passenger door so I don’t slip, I put on my seatbelt as I watch him glide on the ice to the driver's side. 

He gets in hitting his head on the door frame. “God, we need a new car,” He grumbles rubbing his head. 

“This is a good car, “I defined. 

“No, it’s not. It’s a shit car Iwa-chan,” 

Oikawa grabs the blanket from the back cover me up, “If we keep a blanket in the car, the car is bad.” He mutters darkly. 

I never realized how much he hated our car. 

We don’t talk for the whole drive, since the whole hospital thing, it’s been weird between us. 

I wish it wasn’t but it’s true. He just doesn’t seem to know where he fits in, and I can tell he doesn’t want to overstep. 

He’s scared he’s going to break me. 

When we return to the apartment Maki isn’t there, I grab the note on the coffee table after we’ve taken our coats off. 

Kicking off my shoes. “Maki’s working late,” I yell to Oikawa who’s still in the mudroom. 

I pick my shoes up, heading back to the door, putting them on the mat. 

“Ugh, I don’t want to cook,” Oikawa grumbles, stocking off to the kitchen. 

I sigh lying on the couch, Oikawa pokes his head out of the kitchen doorway, “I’m ordering pizza,” 

I nod, not caring enough to reply. 

I hear him yell about pineapple in the other room followed by him flopping on top of me. 

“I hate, Patty,” 

“It’s sad you know the pizza-girl by name,” 

He taps my forehead with the plum of his hand, “It’s weird you don’t, and Patty’s in my astrology class so,” 

I nod my head, with uh huh. 

He sits up, “You know that I love you right?” He asks. 

“Yeah, I love you too,” 

He nods his head, hair bouncing. “So that means you can tell me when something's up with you,” 

“Nothing’s up with me Tooru.” 

“Sure, sure,” He mumbles, “I know you haven’t been yourself lately, ever since November. Did he contact you again?” He said locking eyes with mine. 

I raise my eyebrows, “No, no of course not! I would tell you if he had,” I finished quietly taking his hands in mine. “It’s not him, it’s really nothing.” 

“Ok, I trust you,” He said still sounding unconvinced and kissing me lightly on the lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a hot minute, I'm going to try and write this again but we'll see.   
> Let me know if this makes sense, and if it's any good! 
> 
>  
> 
> Until some time-TooAceForThisShit

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! comments and kudos are much appreciated. 
> 
> Please let me know if there are any spelling/grammar mistakes I can fix to make this more enjoyable for everyone!~ 
> 
> Until next time-TooAceForThisShit. 
> 
> Just a heads up for everyone if they were worried, I'm genderfluid and I know many trans people and related to a trans person, and if I don't know things I do my research. But if there's ever any problem with anything I say please let me know and I'll fix it or leave it out, I don't mind being wrong, and look forward to learning.


End file.
